What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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