I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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