Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
