i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
