Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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