new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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