So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
