Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
