Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
