Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
