Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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