Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
