News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
