k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
