The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
