I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
