Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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