woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
