guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
