I CAN MOONWALK!
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
