my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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