porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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