For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
