i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
