How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize