i just wanna soil my oats bro
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
