Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
