So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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