everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
this boner is exhausting
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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