I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
