we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
