Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
