I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
