you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
