He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize