Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
