I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize