I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
