is your mom at the bar?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
