I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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