Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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