census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
