I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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