Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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