tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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