you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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