I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
