she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
