I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
