He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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