WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
