4 words: hood of his car
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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