I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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