drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize