oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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