Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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