I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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