She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
