I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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