I accidentally had phone sex last night
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
party gras won. party gras always wins.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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