not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize