I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
