I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
