He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
no you cant smoke seaweed
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize