I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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