I hope mine doesn't look like that
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
