Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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