yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
home. puking in laundry basket.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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