dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
