i permit you to call me
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
