I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
